Q. Kia, my thirty-year-old son is asking to come and live at home with me because he has lost his job and can no longer pay his rent. His addiction to alcohol and drugs is obvious to everybody but himself. I don’t want him to come home, but I’m finding it hard to say no. What should I do?
A. Your not wanting him to come home is a sure sign that you know that allowing him to do so would result in negative consequences for you. Know too, that it would also not be a good thing for your son; and to allow him to do so would be enabling, not helping him. I suggest you give him an ultimatum of entering and completing a treatment program for substance abuse, then acquiring a job as a requirement for living in your home. This will not be emotionally easy for you, but it would surely be the best thing for both of you.
Q. I have been attending a church for over three years now and trying to tolerate a number of things that I disagree with. I have to admit that the good things outweigh the bad, but I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable every time I attend. Should I just look for another church and leave or what?
A. First and foremost, I suggest you pray for direction from God. You should then take a personal inventory of your reasons for attending church and submit yourself to focusing on the reason you are there. You might also speak with your Pastor about your concerns and discomfort to identify viable solutions to your problem. Remember that it is well to keep your eyes and your mind on giving God the worship and praise of which He is more than worthy. And when your highest priority is doing that, you will more than likely become unaware of those things that are bothering you.
Q. Kia, it upsets me when people ask my age. How can I answer them without being rude and angry?
A. Know that you are not obligated to share your age with anyone. You are well within your personal rights to refuse to share that information except when it is a required business or legal transaction. Otherwise, a very polite as well as non-threatening answer would never be inappropriate. You might think about coining a short and succinct personal phase that would redirect the conversation, and not negatively impact the relationship such as: ‘Oh I’d rather not say’, or ‘Oh my age is not important’, or ‘Oh I’d rather keep you guessing’… Then with genuine joy and laughter, move on.
Do YOU have a question for Kia? She’d be happy to accept questions. They can be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line ASK KIA.