Q. Kia, I love one of my best girlfriends a lot, but I hate the fact that she seems to thrive on gossip. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t like it when she constantly talks negative about people and seems to like spreading other people’s business. I try to ignore her by changing the subject and just not giving any feedback, but she goes on and on. How can I let her know I don’t want to hear her without hurting her feelings and possibly losing our friendship?
A. Honesty is always the best policy; and it doesn’t have to be spoken harshly or out of anger. I suggest you sit down with your friend and gently express your true feelings about how it makes you feel when she talks to you about the affairs of other people. Her response to your truth is not your responsibility; but you can lovingly say to her that you would rather not hear nor talk about the business of other people because it doesn’t serve any good purpose. You can also ask her how she would feel if she was the topic of other people’s discussions and encourage her to focus on your time together and ways to make your relationship more fun and enjoyable. If she chooses to no longer be your friend, you can be sure it will not be such a devastating loss; and may very well be a blessing in disguise.
Q. What do you think is the reason there is so much hatred in the world today, Kia? I sometimes think about the question that Rodney King posed when he was abused by police officers which was apparently due to hatred and the color of his skin. I really do already know the answer to my question, but I just don’t know what I can personally do to make a difference.
A. I commend you on seeking ways to have influence in the world when it comes to hatred and prejudices that result in the mistreatment and abuse of people based on their human differences. God is the Maker of us all, and we are all the same in His sight. Unfortunately, however, there are those people who do not know or believe in God, who loves us all; but are deceived by the devil, who hates us all with a passion, and wants us to hate one another. What I suggest you do is continue to follow the Word of God which tells us to love one another and do unto others as we would have them to unto us. I also suggest that you continue to pray for those who have not yet come into the knowledge and wisdom that would have them resist the lies and deceptions of the devil. You are indeed making a difference when you follow and imitate the ways of Jesus. Don’t be discouraged; God is in complete control, and the battle is already won. The devil is a defeated foe. God bless you.
Q. Kia, I am frustrated about the way my boyfriend continues to hang out with the guys who he admits are doing things that are unlawful and could very well land them in jail. How can I convince him that he should stop hanging out with them so that he does not land in trouble right along with them?
A. Unfortunately, you are fighting a losing battle. Only your boyfriend can make the decision about who he chooses to ‘hang out’ with. You can be sure, however, that his choices reflect his own character and what he enjoys. I suggest you take a personal inventory of the reason you continue to remain in the relationship with him. There is much truth in the old saying: “Birds of a feather flock together.” You may therefore consider the possibility that your boyfriend is of the same character as his friends and is indulging in whatever activities in which they are indulging. There is another ‘old saying’ that may very well be of help to you make the best decision which says: “To thine own self be true.”
Do YOU have a question for Kia? She’d be happy to accept questions. They can be emailed to lailai1044@comcast.net with the subject line ASK KIA.
