Q. Kia, I am having a tough time looking over repeated communication issues between a friend and myself. I have a problem with people having issues and not addressing them directly but choosing to ‘dance around’ them rather than just being open and honest about their feelings in order to deal with them and resolve them. What can I do to encourage open and honest communication with my friend even when we disagree?
A. I really do think and believe that honesty is the best policy. I also believe that it’s impossible to fix or change that which we don’t acknowledge. I suggest that you arrange a quiet and heartfelt meeting with your friend and share your feelings and concerns in the hope that he, or she, will trust your relationship enough to be more open and honest about issues in an effort to resolve them. Should your friend refuse to be up front with you, I suggest you consider changing the dynamics of the relationship in terms of how much time you spend together, as well as your expectations for the friendship. It may very well be that the two of you are not compatible to maintain the kind of friendship that you wish to have.
Q. I am seriously in need of a break, a vacation, a change of scenery to avoid the hustle and bustle of my intense work schedule. As much as I’d like to get away, I’m finding it hard to be comfortable with my traveling options. Flying is not an option for me right now in that there’s so much controversy and bad news reports of delays, lost and damaged luggage, as well as passenger resistance to mask wearing demands. I considered the possibility of traveling by train but found that there are no connections to carry me where I’d like to go. What do you suggest I do Kia?
A. First and foremost, I suggest that you accept the things you can’t change; change the things you can and make plans that are possible for you attain. Your desired destinations may not be possible for you at this time, but there are indeed numerous alternatives that will allow you to fulfill your need to ‘get away.’ The traveling issues that are prevalent right now will surely be less in the future. So, I suggest you take advantage of what is available now with which you feel most comfortable.
Q. Kia, what do you think is the best way to tell a good friend that she has some offensive health related issues without making them feel bad?
A. It is true that kindness is always appreciated. You can share your concerns with your friend in such a way that they will feel and know that what you are saying to them is out of love and not malicious criticism. A soft answer turns away anger, and a gentle and kind spoken concern will be recognized as caring. Be sure and let your message to your friend be in the utmost privacy.
Do YOU have a question for Kia? She’d be happy to accept questions. They can be emailed to lailai1044@comcast.net with the subject line ASK KIA.
